Not going to watch Eclipse in the theater. No! But I did review the first two a while back.
For those of you who are secretly or not so secretly interested.
Twilight 3 stars (Review from 3/20/09) You know what, it's not half bad. It's an overblown teen romance, but it's a good overblown teen romance with two incredibly likable lead actors. Robert Pattinson (Harry Potter 4) is good, Kristen Stewart (Panic Room) is appealing (although she needs to stop shaking her head so much and moving her eyes left and right during her close ups). The cinematography by Elliot Davis (Out of Sight, The Lords of Dogtown) makes this probably one of the best looking teen movies. Lots of nice medium shots and Washington state is a great locale (although probably shot in Canada). And it avoids a whole lot of teen movie cliches. No group of bitchy popular girls or parties with plastic solo cups or the color pink. Shockingly the dialogue is palatable dare I say good. Bella and Edward are smart, fairly articulate and that goes a long way. Even the vampire stuff is somewhat interesting despite the fact that vampires usually put me to sleep.
It's far from perfect. Some parts are downright silly such as the 'evil' vampires and the baseball scene which is ridiculous. Then again one could argue the entire concept is silly. But on its basic appeal it works. It's really true, abstinence and restraint are so much more interesting on screen than the other thing. I think if you want to see it, you'll like it. If you have no interest, you probably won't have any interest. Believe me, I had no intention of enjoying it, but I did. Just promise me ladies, don't make your boyfriend/husband watch it if he doesn't want to.
(Re-review from 3/25/10) Watched the sequel last weekend, decided to watch the original again. Man is it better. I forgot how much Bella narrates this first film and her narration takes us straight into her head as she moves to a new town, to a new school, and to a new relationship with Count Chocula. She’s the lead character and we are feeling what she is feeling. We aren’t at a distance watching a whiny girl mope around about her break up. The movie has a nice sense of a real high school that isn’t over-lit or cliche. The kids seem real. Or at least they are people we don't mind spending time with. I particularly liked the scene where they go surfing. No one’s wearing a bikini and actually the sun's not even out. This isn’t an Abercrombie ad. Bella is sitting in the van talking with some friends. It’s the kind of simple hangout scene the second movie is lacking. Another good scene is Bella and Edward’s first date where he explains that he can read other people’s minds. He’s funny and witty and they really do have a nice chemistry. Nothing like the dead with lead conversations of New Moon. Edward is 10x more fun in this one. What happened over the summer?
There’s also more room for supporting characters like Bella’s mom and Bella's friends, which makes the world of the movie more complete and much more interesting than a random trip to Italy does. The story moves at a swifter pace and has a nice feel for what it would be like to be a teenager in this small Washington town. Even a melodramatic scene with Bella in the hospital telling Edward he can’t go avoids feeling too WBish. Or is it CWish? I really felt her desperation at the idea of them not being together and I cared about that. That seemed to capture the core of what this love story is about. Why didn’t that occur when Edward leaves in #2? What happened? I think we haven’t given director Catherine Hardwicke(Lords of Dogtown) enough credit for all of her strong decisions in that first movie. This first Twilight is a good movie about high school kids and vampires. New Moon is a drudge about trying to make teens act like world weary adults which they cannot pull off. I’ve never read the Stephanie Meyer’s books, and Lord willing I never will, but I have a feeling the sequels will go further and further away from being something I like. However, Father forgive me, this first movie is pretty good.
New Moon 1 ½ stars. (Review from 3/19/10) Do girls really scream in pain uncontrollably night after night after they've broken up with a boyfriend? Many months after it hit the theaters, I finally saw New Moon on DVD. Twilight is a lot of things but most of all it's this juggernaut box office phenomenon. Bella, Edward, and Jacob. I bet my mom's heard of them by now. For all of my doubts, I actually enjoyed the first movie. I enjoy a good teen romance just as much as the next giggling girl and the budding romance between Edward and Bella was sweet and likable. They themselves were incredibly likable. Now comes New Moon which should've been subtitled New Moon: The Break Up. It's a movie cliche, but there's a reason there are thousands of movies where two characters fall in love. That is an enjoyable thing. However, it is not enjoyable for anyone to spend 2 hours with people who have split up. It's no secret by now that early on Edward has to leave with his family and Bella is beyond crushed. More like life threateningly devastated.
The first 20 minutes are strangely very awkward as Bella worries about aging(as so many seniors in high school do) and Edward worries about Bella liking other guys(aw, vampires are just like us). But for all their talk, there isn't much fun in this relationship. Can't we have some time where they enjoy being together? I guess it's hard to go get ice cream when one of you can't eat. They don't give into their physical passion(vampires just say no) but they aren't having many laughs either. One might ask the obvious, what is so great about this relationship? They both mope around about the impending doom of the future and argue about why Edward won't turn her into a vampire. All of their conversations are so heavy with long pauses and way too much seriousness. It's a whiny, angsty slog, and I was relieved when he left. Bella is then depressed for many months and starts a friendship with Jacob the Native American werewolf. I kind of like this guy. He's nice to her and treats her well. He's actually around, and he's not 109 years-old. Edward is brooding, distant, and always whispering. Be a man! Speak up!
Now to digress.
A couple of things that stick in my craw about Twilight in general:
1. If I was a vampire and was 109 years-old, I would not bother going to biology.
2. I would also not go for someone 90 years younger than me. Talk about cradle robbing.
The middle of the movie sags into tedium and this idea of vampires vs. werewolves and Bella in the middle isn't handled in any way that is exciting. It's all so soapy. CGI wolves growl and snarl at Jamaican vampires but that comes off as silly. Although thankfully nothing is half as silly as that ludicrous baseball game in the first movie. For my money I want the werewolves to win. They're the good guys. Bella on the other hand spends a lot of time looking like a deer caught in headlights. I think 3/4 of the movie she has no idea what is going on. A damsel in distress in a love triangle is not much of a protagonist to stick by.
The first movie is fine by itself. Girl falls in love with vampire and they end up going to the prom. That's a nice ending. That could've been it. This second part ends up in strange ancient vampire territory and eventually ends up in Italy with men walking around in bright red robes and everyone speaking in some formal middle ages English. Boo! One nice addition is British actor Michael Sheen(The Queen) who arrives to show these actors some real acting. Everyone's taking everything way too seriously. He knows he's playing a vampire and that should be a little fun.
Sorry if I dumped on your love of Dracula's Creek, but this second part is just no good. I still like the Washington state setting, I still like the look of the movie, I still like Kristin Stewart who is lovely(she's particularly well lit in this one) and getting better as an actress, and the very last moment is admittedly very well done. I bet theaters across America were filled with young and old women shrieking. I just didn't want to spend so much time with this painfully serious teen couple while they moan and whine and make promises about forever. I think it can all be summed up by Bella's friend Jessica played by the much too talented to be in this Anna Kendrick.
"You're depression thing, I get it. I'm totally, totally worried. But after a while it's like, you're still bumming? And I'm going through stuff too."
That's absolutely right. Team Jessica.